i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
