I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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