I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
