I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
