I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We got so high we made milksteak
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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