my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
