It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
