My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
