On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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