Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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