He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I intend to get homeless drunk
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
