Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
