I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
