i was born a porn star she said
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
