it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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