I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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