i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
