Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
