Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
