At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
