Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
