I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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