So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
