Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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