I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
