erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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