I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
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