i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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