I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
