Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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