yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
