mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
