he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
