fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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