everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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