I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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