I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
