that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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