does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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