normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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