Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Will you blow on my dice?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
