FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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