there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
