I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
