U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
