Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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