A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
