...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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