So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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