plz talk dirty to me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
